For a long time now, I have found the riddle of internal communication at least as intriguing as how and why and what happens when we communicate with each other. It's a different game for a lot of reasons, and none more compelling than the possibility that the divisions (the military language creeps in, almost unnoticed) within us, are just that, and that they do not agree amongst themselves which should be in charge.
It's a drama that I am again watching, taking part in, analyzing as I try to get in shape to run a half marathon with Shelagh in November in Monterey. It's a nice view.
But it has become complicated. My spirit and emotion ally to compel me to train as hard as I can. Not overtrain, says my reason. So, I go slow, building up over the last five months to get to the point I am now. Sore.
The interior dialogue is quite amazing. I can actually imagine myself in November running sore, finishing in three hours, or not finishing at all and looking back to me right now and criticizing my decision to run as relatively hard as I am. I am actually having an imaginary discussion with myself across time.
And then there is another part of me watching it all and putting it down.
So, who is in charge? Does it depend on the situation? If what seems reasonable steps aside and lets the emotional part run with it for awhile, is the reasonable part still in charge for having decided to step aside?
The real crime is that organizers are charging me only one entry fee.